How I survived my near death experience.

Well Ho's I 've seen Jesus. Yes. I did. He came to me in my darkest hour and told me to lighten up on the buffets.
Girl, I was sick and thought it was time for me to move one to a place where all buffet restaurants have outlawed a small booth and only have tables.

But then something happened. A miracle.
I was able to eat again.

So there it is.
Some of this other shit is old news but seeing I was fighting for my life, I thought maybe I would throw it out there and see if I get any responses.
I mean does anyone comment on blogs anymore. Damn

Did anyone see Ms. Whitney Houston on the front page of the Enquirer in her coffin?? Don't tell me nobody looked at it. How the hell could you miss it. I saw it. It was horrid, why would anyone want a picture of a dead person laying in a box.

The Oscars came and went. I blogged about it and was 2 for 2 on my predictions.
As far as the show.
What a waste of 3 1/2 hours. It was like watching reruns of the Lawrence Welk Show.
Billy Crystal needs to give it up. He was awful. OSCAR! OSCAR! OSCAR!! Who came up with that awful tune, and his singing. GOOD LORD>That was reason enough why the Oscar producers didn't pick him first.
Now to be fair and balanced I did enjoy some portions of the telecast.  Meryl and Christopher Plummers acceptance speeches, priceless.
I really like how they would have little clips while introducing the nominees, who would give some insight on their part in the movie.  I wish they would do that every year.

Is that it? Did I miss anything?
Well that's it from here ho's.
Signing off from here in the confused state of O HI O.
Let's Ride Ho!!!

Comments

Bob said…
I did not see the Houston cover. Luckily my local stores covered the image.
I would not want to see that.
March 4, 2012 at 5:56 AM
the dogs' mother said…
Our store will take a black piece of plastic and cover the ladies of Cosmopolitan lest they show too much boobage. But they left the covers of the National Enquirer uncovered so I saw Whitney displayed in all the checkout stands.
March 4, 2012 at 6:31 AM
mrs.missalaineus said…
so you are saying you thought it may have been time to go see jeebus but then you burped and it was all good? they need to have tums and not mints at the register to help a brother (or a sister) out in that sitch.

you know how skittles make you drool right? i was eating some once and choked on the SKITTLE DROOL because i swallowed wrong and it went down my windpipe. solved it by not eating skittles anymore.

xxalainaxx
March 4, 2012 at 6:31 AM
Miss Ginger Grant said…
I still comment on blogs!
March 4, 2012 at 7:15 AM
David Dust said…
Sis, I'm still confused about the "almost died" thing. Care to elaborate??

XOXOXOXO
March 4, 2012 at 8:25 AM
Sam said…
Sis, without being to dramatic and gross ill spare you all the little details.
It all began with a fever from out of nowhere followed during the middle of the night by diarrhea which I swore could have been labor pains. This hun made for a dreadful journey to the restroom at the most undesirable truck stop ever. By the way that place will never be the same again.
After some cold chills, I had decided that I would need to seek medical attention in the morning.
The next morning I felt somewhat better but I had taken on body aches and nasuea.
And seeing that I am such a trooper, it was decided as long as I didn't throw up and could drink fluids I would ride out the storm.
HO, then the one thing happened that caused all kinds of panic. Girl I went there. I just knew that something was terribly wrong.
I began looking for Bill a new wife and making out an updated will.
I LOST MY APPETITE.
I. DIDN'T. EAT. FOR. TWO. WHOLE. DAYS. NOTHING. JUST WATER.
Now. I didn't have diarrhea and I didn't vomit but I just didn't get hungry or have the desire to eat.
So I forced myself to sip on soup and this would make me sick again.
Bill kept asking why I wasn't eating and I lied to him, telling him I had ate a sandwich while he drove.
Gurl, to you this may seem lame but I have never been hospitalized for illness or anything.
You know David. You always hear those stories where someone dies and they say what happened and the living person always says, "he said he didn't feel well and BAM!! dead"
It took a whole week to recover and with the help of professionals (family and friends who have survived cancer) I've come to the conclusion I had food poisoning.
So there you have it. My near death experience.
March 4, 2012 at 9:12 AM
the dogs' mother said…
A reliable if undesirable form of weight loss.... stay away from the salad bar in Ritzville...
March 4, 2012 at 12:04 PM
Joy said…
It's easier to answer your texts than to read the word verifications on your blog and others. It takes about three tries sometimes to enter a comment.

We've already discussed all of this, so you know what I think. But I'm attempting a comment!
March 4, 2012 at 5:10 PM
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